Shopping.

ok. so i went shopping today for like the first time in months. 

i completely over committed my life this semester so i have had absolutely no money to spend on myself... like i normally do.

well, i decided to shop a little and thank God its christmas time because i got to have my parentals purchase pretty all that i wanted to get today :)

what is interesting though, is how different my life has been with me being broke most of the time and not constantly thinking about what i want to buy next. i know this sounds silly, but its like a really big deal for me. 

in spiritual disciplines this semester, Bill was talking about living frugally and spending conservatively. living frugally is never about living cheaply. Its not about shopping at salvation army or at the 99cents store, but its about saving and spending wisely. Something i have never done. 

for me, between spending until the account is at zero, or maxing out the credit card,  i usually spend just to have stuff. Sure it works out just because i don't really have any financial responsibilities beyond my credit card payment, but not having money to burn on myself has kind of changed the way i look at spending. I have learned [a little] to manage a small budget and get what i need with what i have to spend. i feel a bit freed from the need to just spend. i don't really know how i have changed in my attitude toward spending and finances, but one thing that bill spoke about really rocked me. 

he talked about how spending wisely and spending frugally doesn't mean sacrificing on the finer things in life, but it means saving until you can get what you need. Like if you want something pricey, you just save until you can do it. I know this is like such a simple thought but it is so mind-blowing to someone who just wants now. 

I am not sure where i am going with this, but i am excited to move forward, especially as i leave school and start to establish credit and set out in my life, that this is an arena of life that i can succeed in. this is an arena of life that i can make strong so that as i grow older and get married and have a family and just live, i can have to options to get what i need. I can have the financial freedom to be comfortable and happy to the measure i am supposed to be.

so maybe this doesn't make a whole lot of sense. but i think what is really happening is the lord is starting to free me from the financial expectations i have developed from growing up where i grow up... as unreal and nonsensical as they are. financial expectations that, at times in my life, have caused me to be self-conscious, stressed, and overwhelmed. financial expectations that used to cause me to try to fit a certain image that the lord has really released me from over the last 5 years or so.  

So praise God for accurate expectations and faith that he is going to provide so far beyond what i could have ever dreamed or hoped for.